JANUARY
Tip of the Month
Seedlings Group on The Social Life of Toddlers
Many parents dread the “toddler years”, a time of willfulness, opposition and non-compliance. Parents wonder what’s happened, what’s changed? The more a parent can understand the toddler stage from their child’s perspective, the more effective they will be at responding to the challenges that arise, and at teaching their child how to have rich and fulfilling social worlds.
Increase Confidence, Self-Esteem and Independence
Never push your child to do something that he is not ready for developmentally. Such pressure will only lead to his frustration and self-doubt. Instead, scaffold difficult tasks for your child. Find the balance between providing him with just enough support and help, while at the same time allowing him to experience some degree of manageable challenge. This balance will increase your child’s confidence by allowing him to reach slightly beyond what he is easily capable of, leading to independence and persistence at a task.
Teach your Toddler to Share
The best way to teach your toddler to share is by modeling sharing behavior. Make a point of sharing things in front of your child. After you finish using something at home, hand it to your spouse and say “here, now it’s your turn.” When you play with your child, pass things back and forth and say “it’s your turn”, or “I’m sharing with you”. Toddlers do not have the same concept of time as we do. They don’t understand that they will have a turn “in a few minutes”, because they don’t understand how long a few minutes is. When you first teach your child how to share, start by being very concrete. Let them have a turn putting the ball in the basket, and then say “now I am going to take a turn putting one ball in the basket.” Eventually they will understand that sharing means they will get a turn too. Over time, they will be able to waiter for longer and longer period of time, but never make your toddler wait fro more than 5 minutes.
Teach Nice Words
Teach your toddler to use words like “may I?” “please”, “sorry” and thank you”. Eventually these words will become a part of your child’s everyday vocabulary, and she will begin to use them automatically when she interacts with her peers.
Establish Rules and Expectations Early
Before a play date, sit down with your child and tell her what she can expect. Be clear about who is coming over and what they will be doing together. Set rules for behavior ahead of time, like “no hitting”, “pushing” or “name calling”. And make it clear that these behaviors won’t be tolerated.
Teach Empathy
If you want your child to learn to understand and empathize with how other’s feel, teach them by identifying emotions and explaining them. For example, if Suzy is crying as she leaves the playground, say, “it looks like Suzy is really sad that she has to leave the playground. It can be very hard to have to leave when you are having so much fun. It might help Suzy feel better if she remembers that she’ll be back tomorrow after school. Do you want to remind her?” This not only teaches your child to empathize with someone else’s feelings, but that she can handle hard emotions and even make others feel better.
Positive Discipline
The best way to discipline is by using strategies that will prevent problems before they ever occur. One effective strategy to it tell your child what you want them to do rather than what you do not want them to do. Instead of saying, “don’t jump on the couch”, say, “keep your feet on the floor”. This gives them clear instructions and directions that they can easily follow when they play.
Turn your cheek on Perfectionism
Children who are perfectionists avoid taking risks because they are afraid that they won’t be able to do something exactly right. Instead they only do things that they are already good at, and avoid challenging themselves to try new things. As a parent, encourage your child to try new things by making it ok to make a mistake. Teach your child that they can handle any outcome. For example, encourage your child to talk to a new child on the playground. That child may be friendly or he may be unfriendly, but regardless, your child can handle it.
Praise Effort not Outcome
Kids who are afraid of making mistakes will be less willing to try new things. Teach your child that it is their effort not the end result that matters. Praise your child for specific things that they can control like working hard, rather than innate characteristics that they cannot control, like “being smart”. If you teach your child to work hard and to try new things, he will be more likely to take chances and feel confident regardless of how “talented” he is.